Anonymous asked: *Sobs silently for not saving a conversation where I was Lil Cal and the Anon was Roxy and she was transgendered and wrote me a long poem about playing with her teeth and she wanted Cal to give her a bj and get splinters in her dick* Why didn't I save that so i could submit it why
Wat
▲: hell0 there.
▼: hey aa.
▲: 0h, s0llux. it’s y0u.
▼: unle22 you know 2ome other douchebag who u2e2 thii2 iidiiodiic mu2tard color.
▲: n0, i actually d0n’t. it’s 0nly y0u. 0u0
▲: w0w that really just d0es n0t w0rk.
▼: iit really doe2n’t.
▲: i guess i sh0uld st0p trying to smile
▲: it l00ks weird.
▼: 2o, 2up?
▲: n0thing really. it’s n0t very fun being dead, really b0ring.
▼: well, 2top tryiing two 2miile through text. iit’2 totally okay iin per2on.
▲: was that sentiment 0r a c0mpliment. thank y0u either way.
▼: ii’ll bet iit ii2.
▼: iit wa2 both.
▲: well, thank y0u s0llux.
▲: there’s n0thing t0 d0 here but wait f0r the game, s0 i’m just passing time.
▼: under2tandable.
▲: it’s really b0ring and n0 0ne is here. n0 0ne ever is, th0ugh, s0 i’m n0t sure why i’m ‘c0mplaining’ ab0ut that.
▼: “here” beiing…?
▲: where i live. where my hive used t0 be. at least, i think s0. it’s a bit c0nfusing. y0u d0n’t really remember things like places when y0u’re dead.
▼: 2o, hey, what do you even do all the tiime, ju2t float around beiing generally 2pooky, or what.
▼: got iit.
▲: i fl0at ar0und and be sp00ky, and s0metimes i destr0y statues. i try t0 help when it’s needed, but n0 0ne ever asks me f0r help…
▼: 2ound2 liike 2ome afterliife you’re leadiing.
▲: it’s very b0ring. the 0nly reas0n i d0n’t fade like m0st spirits is because i kn0w i’ll be needed f0r this game i’m ab0ut t0 engage in.
▼: yeah, ii fiigured iit wa2 boriing. 2ee, that wa2 the joke.
▲: 0h. a j0ke. i alm0st f0rg0t about j0kes.
▼: not a problem, ju2t pretend two laugh, iit’ll all be okay.
▲: 0kay. hahaha.
▲: is that g00d?
▼: that wa2 perfect.
▼: ab2olutely wonderful.
▲: d0es laughing make me seem n0t as creepy?
▼: you diid an out2tandiing job, aa, ii am 2o proud.
▲: 0h well, thank you s0llux. y0u’re being exepti0nally kind t0day.
▼: iit make2 you 2eem a biit more normal. no offen2e.
▼: and, yeah, ii gue22 ii’m ju2t iin a pretty okay mood for once.
▲: 0h that’s fine i kn0w full well i’m n0t n0rmal.
▲: it’s very g00d that y0u’re happy, i kn0w what happens when y0u aren’t.
▼: yeah, ii get really pii22ed at everybody and lock my2elf away for a whiile.
▲: i d0n’t like it when y0u’re mad, s0llux. y0u’re all l0cked up there and y0u can get scary.
▲: s0 i’m glad y0u’re happy t0day.
▼: ii wouldn’t get two u2ed two iit though.
▼: the uniiver2e hate2 my joy, you 2ee, and wiill fliip my mood around for bull2hiit rea2on2.
▲: s0llux, y0u sh0uld know by n0w that bullshit is the 0nly reas0n the universe needs to flip things ar0und.
▼: of cour2e, how could ii forget.
▲: is that m0re sarcasm, s0llux. i’m n0t very g00d at this.
▼: almo2t everythiing ii 2ay ii2 2arca2m.
▼: there’2 a few opportune moment2 when ii 2ay 2omethiing 2iincere, ye2, but iit’2 u2ually 2arca2m.
▼: and that probably diidn’t help you wiith anythiing at all.
▲: n0 it didn’t help me. i wish pe0ple w0uld just say what they mean instead 0f this dumb sarcastic w0rd game.
▼: would you rather ii drop the 2arca2m for a biit then?
▼: that’2 a genuiine offer, by the way.
▲: yes actually i w0uld.
▲: i w0uld l0ve t0 have a talk with y0u in a linear manner.
▲: with n0 c0nfusing sarcasm
▼: well alriight then.
▼: iif ii 2liip up, iit’2 not my fault.
▲: 0kay, thank y0u a l0t s0llux. i really d0 enj0y talking with y0u.
▼: iit’2 pretty 2weet talkiing wiith you two. better than talkiing two any of the other iidiiot2 we a22ociiate wiith.
▲: thank y0u s0llux. again. i find it hard t0 talk t0 any0ne else but y0u. except maybe nepeta. she’s nice.
▼: what about tz, ii thought you guy2 talked a lot.
▲: well yeah, but it’s n0t the same after i died.
▲: and then she g0t all weird with her smell-sight and calls me a razzberry c0nstantly.
▲: it’s n0t the same.
▼: what, you got 2omethiing agaiin2t ra2pberriie2?
▲: n0 it’s just i am n0t a razzberry.
▲: if i was then it w0uld be fine.
▼: ii’m jokiing agaiin btw.
▼: well ii am neiither an apple, berry, or bla2t, but that’2 what 2he call2 me.
▲: i was t00. she d0esn’t call me a razzberry.
▲: hehehe.
▼: you ju2t get u2ed two iit after a whiile ii gue22.
▼: that’2 more fake laughter, riight.
▲: yeah it’s fake but i did trick y0u f0r a bit right?
▲: i didn’t trick y0u did i.
▼: for liike two 2econd2.
▼: then ii remembered, oh yeah, you’re dead. whoop2.
▲: (can i just say that this is the best thing ever)
▲: but i did trick y0u, if only for a few sec0nds.
▼: ye2, aa. you diid. be proud of your accomplii2hment2.
▲: i w0uld jump f0r j0y, but i’m n0t capable 0f such an 0utburst 0f em0ti0n anym0re.
▼: waiit, 2hiit, 2orry.
▼: (( ** be yellow stupid words ))
▼: can gho2t2 even jump.
▲: well. um.
▲: h0ld 0n i’ll try.
▲: n0 but i can h0ver higher.
▼: well 2hiit, that’2 not cool at all.
▲: well i’m 0kay with it.
▲: i d0n’t really need t0 jump if i can h0ver, right?
▼: hoveriing for joy 2ound2 iidiiotiic though.
▲: it d0es.
▲: but i can’t really d0 anything ‘f0r j0y’.
▼: good poiint.
▲: i’m l00king ar0und this place and i’m w0ndering why i ever ch0se this place when i was alive.
▲: it’s 0min0us and m0ssy and 0ut 0f shape…
▲: perfect f0r me n0w but gee i was messed up.
▼: well iif you’ll recall, iit wa2n’t exactly all de2troyed when you were aliive.
▲: i haven’t been dead f0r that l0ng, right?
▼: ha2htag 2orry.
▲: 0h that’s right. i destr0yed m0st 0f it.
▲: i need t0 st0p d0ing that.
▼: you probably 2hould, yeah.
▲: but i just get s0 b0red and it’s n0t like any0ne lives here anym0re, 0r will live.
▲: if s0me0ne m0ves int0 my hive’s past sp0t, i will haunt them s0 hard.
▼: you 2hould po2e22 all theiir 2tuff.
▼: 2care the 2hiit out of them.
▲: and destr0y their china.
▲: make sure that they can never fall asleep at night because the s0unds 0f the dead haunt them t0 their very c0re…
▲: ahem.
▼: ye2 thii2 ii2 good.
▲: but i th0ught that haunting pe0ple creepily was fr0wned up0n.
▼: gettiing a biit iintwo iit are we.
▼: hauntiing people creepiily ii2 frowned upon iif you’re not dead.
▲: s0 if i have reas0ns then i can creepily haunt any0ne?
▼: but you are, 2o go wiild.
▼: ye2.
▲: d0n’t w0rry, i w0uldn’t haunt y0u.
▼: ye2 you can.
▼: alriight, 2weet.
▲: i’ll pr0bably just stay t0 any tr0ll wh0 tries t0 build their hive here.
▲: why w0uld they even try? there’s plenty 0f prettier sp0ts.
▼: ju2t a 2ugge2tiion here: you 2hould go haunt kk.
▲: n000000
▼: ii would pay 2o much money two 2ee that, hone2tly.
▲: he’s way t00 0rnery
▲: and he’d kn0w it was me. he’d either ign0re me 0r just insult me.
▼: whiich ii2 why iit’d be hiilariiou2.
▲: and then we’d get this weird thing where we live t0gether and then suddenly we’re in a sitc0m.
▲: ‘the gh0st and the fuckass’
▲: 0r s0mething.
▼: how would you be liiviing twogether iif you ju2t me22 wiith hii2 2tuff every 2o often?
▲: because i’d be s0 f0cused 0n just ruining his life that i’d stay there.
▲: and als0 his hive is c0zy and n0t destr0yed.
▼: hii2 hiive ii2 a wreck.
▼: … ii’m one two talk.
▲: well, c0mpared t0 my hive, karkat is a neat freak.
▼: compared two your hiive, anyone ii2 a neat freak.
▼: no offen2e.
▲: n0ne taken.
▲: hey, did y0u see that?
▼: 2ee what.
▲: there was s0me flash 0f red light in the sky.
▲: it’s pr0bably n0thing.
▲: it was kinda pretty th0ugh.
▼: then, no, diidn’t 2ee iit.
▼: well ii’m pretty 2ure liightniing doe2n’t make the 2ky red.
▼: or, you know, maybe iit doe2, ii don’t know.
▲: it might have been a burning sky c0ntrapti0n.
▲: i h0pe wh0ever was 0n it is 0kay
▲: because then they’ll be b0red f0r the rest 0f eternity.
▲: if they died.
▼: they probably cho2e two go on two a better place.
▼: unliike your2elf, who thought iit’d be cool ju2t beiing a gho2t.
▲: being a gh0st d0es have it’s perks.
▲: i guess.
▲: if y0u d0n’t mind waiting f0r s0mething f0r what seems like eternity.
▼: what kiind of perk2?
▲: h0vering i guess is 0ne but y0u th0ught that was lame.
▲: and this…. thing i d0 t0 destr0y my hive.
▲: i d0n’t really kn0w what t0 call it. it just… happens.
▲: and haunting. but that isn’t much fun when there’s n0 0ne here.
▲: and 0ther things i guess, but i haven’t really expl0red my gh0stly abilities that much.
▼: well hoveriing ii2 pretty ea2y.
▼: you 2hould, ii bet there’2 ton2 of iintere2tiing 2hiit two do.
▲: but i d0n’t really need t0 d0 anything else. i’m 0kay with what i have.
▼: iif you 2ay 2o.
▲: i d0 say s0. why d0 y0u never realize that i am c0mpletely 0kay with this?
▲: i d0n’t need c00l gh0st p0wers, s0llux.
▼: becau2e beiing totally “0kay” wiith everythiing ii2 really weiird, ii gue22.
▲: but i am.
▲: geez s0llux c0me 0n i’m always 0kay.
▼: and that’2 really weiird, not haviing ii22ue2 wiith anybody, at all, ever.
▲: but i d0n’t.
▲: terezi is really weird and that’s 0kay.
▲: nepeta’s really sweet and that’s 0kay.
▲: karkat is… karkat, and that’s 0kay.
▲: equius is creepy and that’s 0kay.
▼: and that ii2 alway2 goiing two be REALLY WEIIRD.
▲: then aradia is really weird.
▲: and that’s 0kay.
▼: fuck. okay. yeah. whatever.
▲: s0llux please d0n’t be mad. it’s just what i d0.
▲: (DAMN this is long!)
▼: (( We clearly have never heard of lives. :D ))
▲: (NOPE! 8) )
▲: ….s0llux?
▼: ii know iit’2 “just what you d0” but 2eriiou2ly. iit get2 really freaky 2ometiime2.
▲: it’s kind 0f hard t0 n0t be freaky when y0u’re a gh0st.
▲: if i had any em0ti0n left i think i’d cry, th0ugh.
▼: do you even have tear duct2 anymore.
▼: functiioniing one2, ii 2hould 2ay.
▲: i d0n’t think i actually d0.
▲: and if i d0 they d0n’t w0rk.
▲: but that’s n0t the p0int.
▼: well.
▲: (brb. i’ll be back in seriously 5 minutes)
▼: then what ii2 the poiint.
▼: (( A’righty, take your time. C: ))
▲: (back yaaay.)
▲: the p0int is, if i was still alive y0u w0uld have hurt my feelings just then.
▲: they w0uld be bruised and bleeding and lying 0n the fl00r like a really beat-up rug.
▼: iif you were aliive, thii2 conver2atiion wouldn’t even be happeniing.
▲: true.
▲: but the fact still stands that that w0uld have really stung.
▼: ii wouldn’t even have saiid iit though.
▲: i guess n0t.
▼: we would be talkiing about 2omethiing entiirely diifferent.
▲: well i supp0se s0.
▼: alriight let’2 ju2t.
▼: drop the 2ubject.
▲: i’m 0kay with that.
▲: 00ps.
▼: that ii2 a thiing two be okay wiith, don’t apologiize.
▲: alright.
▲: 0h l00k, fl0wers. i guess it’s just ab0ut ‘ever0ne c0mplains ab0ut allergies’ seas0n.
▼: gue22 2o.
▼: can’t waiit for all the complaiint2 two 2tart floodiing iin.
▲: i mean they’re pretty and all, i just d0n’t understand why they irritate s0 many scent receivers.
▼: becau2e iit’2 a biig “fuck you” from the uniiver2e.
▲: is everything just a big ‘fuck y0u’ fr0m the universe?
▼: probably.
▲: that w0uld actually explain a l0t 0f things.
▼: iit really would.
▲: i bet that y0u g0t that idea 0r at least phrase0l0gy fr0m karkat th0ugh.
▲: 0h that might have c0me 0ff as 0ffensive.
▼: you know, ii probably diid.
▼: nah, iit’2 fiine.
▲: 0kay. i kn0w h0w much y0u hate him, 0r at least pretend t0 hate him, s0 i th0ught that y0u might n0t quite like him rubbing 0ff 0n y0u.
▼: iit’2 a friiendly hatred, ii gue22.
▼: liike, wow ii can’t 2tand the company of my own be2t friiend, how wacky!
▲: it is a bit weird but n0t unheard 0f.
▲: see, s0llux, y0u’re weird t00.
▲: i guess when y0u’re a tr0ll y0u can’t escape the weird.
▼: never 2aiid ii wa2n’t.
▲: i guess that’s true.
▲: w0w. i’m scr0lling up and we’re really just all 0ver the place.
▼: 2uch ii2 the nature of conver2atiion.
▲: 000h n0.
▲: d0 y0u remember when i was talking ab0ut s0me0ne m0ving in?
▼: yeah?
▲: yeah that’s kinda happening n0w.
▲: i’ll talk t0 y0u s00n, 0kay?
▲: (i do have to go xD)
▼: well, alriight. good luck wiith that then.
▼: (( Welp, okey dokey then. < U > ))
| GC: | WHY DO YOU W4NT TH3 J4N3 HUM4N'S CH3RRY |
|---|---|
| TG: | haha uou wierd alien you don't unberstabd like at allllllll |
| TG: | hahahahaahahash |
| TG: | *stand |
| GC: | 4R3 HUM4N CH3RR13S D3L1C1OUS TOO |
| TG: | yes |
| TG: | hell fuckign yed |
| TG: | *yessssssss |
▲: HO HO HO.
▲: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT.
▼: hey karkat!
▲: I’M ON A LIMITED SCHEDULE, JOHN, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FOR PERIGEE’S EVE.
▼: perigee’s?
▼: are you talking about christmas?
▲: WOAH BACK UP THE SCUTTLEBUGGY.
▲: WHAT IN THE RIPROARING RIBLASTING FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
▼: christmas! trolls don’t have christmas, do they?
▼: it’s where this fat guy in a red suit brings you presents.
▲: NO, WHY THE FUCK WOULD WE.
▲: JOHN, WE’VE ALL SEEN THE PICTURE OF VRISKA IN TEREZI’S FLARP OUTFIT. QUIT BRINGING IT UP.
▲: JESUS HOW IMMATURE CAN YOU BE.
▼: i haven’t seen it! that’s not what i’m talking about. he lives in the north pole of earth and keeps track of who is nice and who is naughty. then he brings good kids presents and bad kids coal!
▲: DON’T YOU LOWLY, STUPID HUMANS MAKE DIAMONDS FROM COAL?
▼: yeah, but i don’t think kids can do that…
▼: so it’s just coal
▲: I’M READING MY LIST HERE, AND IT SAYS, FIRST OF ALL
▲: SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND.
▲: OKAY? COOL.
▲: I NEED TO APPARENTLY GIVE YOU A GIFT, SO LET’S JUST CUT THE NEEDLESS CONVERSATIONAL DEGRADATION AND GET TO THE PART WHERE YOU SPILL THE METAPHORICAL BEANS OF GIFT WANTING.
▲: CAN WE DO THAT, JOHN? CAN WE MAKE THIS EASY ON ME JUST THIS ONCE?
▼: you’re going to give me a present? i thought you didn’t celebrate christmas though.
▼: hmm…
▲: IT DOESN’T MATTER, JUST SHUT THOSE STUPID BUCK TEETH OF YOURS AND TELL ME WHAT EXACTLY YOU WANT.
▲: I’M NOT GOING INTO MY REASONS BECAUSE FUCK YOU FOR PRYING.
▼: i don’t know what i want though! i have to think for a minute. wait, so you can’t tell me why? why not?
▲: BECAUSE FUCK YOU FOR PRYING AGAIN.
▼: and i have to get you something too, if you’re going to get me something.
▲: I DON’T CARE. LET’S JUST HURRY THIS UP.
▲: NO, WAIT.
▲: HERE’S THE GIFT YOU CAN GIVE ME.
▲: NOT BEING A SLOW DOUCHEBAG WHO CAN’T DECIDE ON HIS FUCKING GIFT.
▼: ok! i think i can manage. i think i know what i want. but it’s sort of embarrassing.
▼: i don’t know if i can ask…
▲: OH MY GOD IF YOU DON’T DO THIS I WILL JUST GIVE YOU THIS BALLOON FULL OF COAL.
▲: HURRY THE FUCK UP.
▼: um, ok
▼: you’re going to yell at me probably.
▼: can i have you for christmas?
▲: ACTUALLY? NO.
▲: HERE, HAVE SOME COAL.
▲: HO HO HO.
▼ HAS BEEN DUMPED.
Submitted by the wild like ratherhappygirl!
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